My mom told me boys were dumb.

Maybe I’m just really bad at reading signals. I just don’t know anymore but I’m glad it’s over with. We’re still friends but I think now we just cleared up that grey area between friends and more than friends. Maybe I was just an ego boost for him. I just don’t know. All I know is that it’s done and over with. We have boundaries and those boundaries probably won’t change anymore. I don’t think a relationship would have worked out for us in the first place but I wanted to think that it could have.  Now I can move on.

Sleepless in College

I’m such a slacker.  Geez…I had a whole two weeks to read the book and write a paper on it and then I completely slacked and ended up writing most of it this morning.  I took a nap from 2 – 5 and then woke up to finish up the paper.  I’m completely ready to crash right now.  It’s a full 2 1/2 pages of BS.  I don’t think I have ever written something so incoherent ever.  I should have just taken the 10% off and written a really good late paper.  I’m pretty sure I would have gotten a better score.

Actually, I spent most of yesterday reading the whole Morganville Vampire’s series.  I know I’m 20 years old but I actually enjoy reading some of the Young Adult paranormal books.  I wasn’t into them when I was a teenager and now that I’ve discovered them I’m trying to relive another pathetic seven years of my teenage life.  I’m a book addict.  One of my dreams is to open a book shop so I can read all day.  I know there would be more work that I would have to put in but imagine all those books.  My sister in law wanted to open up a cafe at one point so she could drink all the caffeinated beverages she wanted.  I told her we should go into business together.

I have an exam tomorrow night and another paper due Friday.  I should probably start studying because I’m not looking forward to seeing a 4 credit C on my report card.  Neither is my dad or my scholarship providers.  Is something wrong with me?

Inspiration and Desperation

I was inspired by the blog turned book, “Baghdad Burning,” in which Riverbend blogs her life experience in Baghdad for the whole world to see.  Although my life is no where as interesting, I have no clue about politics and have never had the threat of constant raids and gunfire right in front of me, I can only hope my blog is just not boring.  As a single,  Hmong female in college, I have a few things of my own to say.  I’m by no means a feminist either.  I think I’m just that average girl that will never really get noticed.  My thoughts will probably never get turned into a book, which would be dream of mine, but I guess I’ll just keep writing anyways.

I had dinner with my cousin last night.  She’s diagnosed with kidney failure plus many other things that I don’t even remember.  She’s even openly admitted that she might only have 10 years to live.  When I look at her life, she’s accomplished quite a bit.  She’s been in love, owned a dog, graduated from school, lived away from home.  When I look at my life at the ripe young age of 20, I haven’t done anything.  I’m barely average in college, I’ve lived with my parents my entire life, I killed the only pet I ever owned, I’ve never even had my first kiss or a significant relationship with a guy yet.  I don’t know if it’s her disease that makes her more proactive in life but I’m starting to feel “old.”  There’s sixteen year olds that have more experience with the opposite sex than I do.  Everyone says it’s not right to find a guy just for the sake of having a guy but I don’t even want a relationship.  I just want someone who makes me feel desirable.  I just want to move out of the house.  Geez, I need to get a life.